A few months have come and gone since the last full entry for #thoughtfultuesday. I ask for the cultivation of patience as I brush off the cobwebs and clear the dust. There was uncertainty as to how long the respite from writing would last, but a faint whisper encouraged me to take the plunge. So, here we are. Twenty-four hours ago the flood gates were blown wide open. Historically these moments have elicited confusion and criticism. Yesterday’s experience did not fit this pattern and was, dare I say, profound. Intermingled in the presence of discomfort, frustration, and sadness was an assuredness and aliveness. The light in this shadow emerged from acceptance, expressed in the form of a crystal-clear message, “Things are okay until they are not.” A moment earlier and a moment later the stance may vary (even drastically so), but this moment is exactly as it is. The freedom this afforded is difficult to convey in words. This provided a glimpse of understanding into the relentless pursuit of transcendental experiences. The irony being that this was not met in meditation, during a retreat, or adhering to a scripted spiritual practice or ritual; it materialized in the middle of a toddler-esque meltdown.
Please brace yourself for the unfolding of a controversial assertion; one that is not founded in a controlled trial or peer-reviewed journal. The mind is continually seeking and clinging to structure and logic, essentially any and all that is concrete. So long as this methodology is adhered to, there is doubt that we can move beyond ourselves. I unreservedly admit that when faced with pain or hurdles of any nature, the automatic response is to turn to mind. What led me here? If I refrain from A, B, or C, can I circumvent this in the future? Although these thoughts present themselves in the form of awareness, I assert that they are judgements. Why you may ask? The hidden message behind all of these mind proclamations is that of, What I am experiencing in this moment is not okay. In fact, I am looking for something to take me away from this moment, whether that be a past or future experience or state. Thus, we end up attempting to circumvent our experience, which much to our dismay only arises in another moment. I recognize that this may be an irritating discovery, especially when our self-improvement projects appear to be faring us well. Whether or not we buy into the critical presence of the mind, the fact of the matter is that we are here in this very moment. Life mocks us all in this manner; not a single soul is an exception.
As I continue to move through life, or perhaps it is more accurately framed as life continues to move through this vessel, I am propelled to refrain from adherence to structure whenever possible. When I refer to structure I mean this on a mind, body, and spirit level. This has proved to be substantially more trying in the COVID-19 ethos. The overarching attempt of this post is not to bring you to some far-reaching conclusion that is unattainable; the intent is to, at best, create a possible avenue of freedom via the sharing of my learnings. As this week trudges on, may we all be graced with a moment of radical acceptance when hellfire rages.
Keep it sassy and bad-assy,