After a long day, I sit down to write for #thoughtfultuesday. Although the pace of my life has picked up significantly in the past week, overall the week has felt rather uneventful. Typically, monotony doesn’t lend itself to profound writing. Yet, as I reflect on the perceived “flatness” of this week, I find myself laughing in recognition of the insanity of the mind. Rewind to one year prior to today, I was floundering in disarray, in need of a slower-paced and even-keeled lifestyle. Even though I was drowning, I wasn’t able to throw on a life jacket; I couldn’t save myself unless I became completely debilitated to convince me otherwise. Throughout, I dreamt of the life I am currently living. This is the irony that is the mind. Now that I have achieved this perceived dream, the mind remains dissatisfied. Clearly, the mind thrives on chaos and extremes; whether this be profound misery or ecstasy. The mind always finds something to reach towards and grasp. This readers, is the human conundrum.
It is peculiar how we can study a concept for a long period of time, thinking that we have it in the bag. Then there are moments as such, which knock you on the head out of nowhere, and you realize you now fully understand a concept. These are the occasions of concept embodiment; a download from the mind to the soul. This must have been Newton’s experience in his conceptualization of gravity, as he witnessed the infamous apple falling from a tree. Evidently, as we shift and allow expansion beyond the mind, we open ourselves to the experience of awe.
What does all of this flowery, far-out language mean? No matter what, there is a guarantee that life will always be life. We will be handed experiences and encounters continually. All of these experiences and encounters are neutral until our mind weasels its way into them with demands and judgements. As adults, we have firmly developed beliefs and opinions. It is easy to imagine and express that certain situations are traumatic and painful. Although it is never my intention to invalidate someone’s emotional perception of a situation, I would like to play devil’s advocate.
In the exact happening of a situation, we are fully living in it. I reckon that we are not attached to the mind in this state, but instead are acting out of instinct or intuition. After the passing of a situation (or perhaps many years later), our mind invades “Line 1” and begins to process the situation. In this future state, the mind produces judgements and demands such as, “That was terrible” and “That never should have happened”. Even though I do not deny that certain circumstances are incredibly shitty and/or unlucky, the reality is that they occurred.
This was a pivotal moment of recognition in my own journey. When I began facing a trauma story, I realized that the situation itself ended approximately ten years ago. Ten years following this situation, I was re-living the scenario and re-traumatizing myself. Please note that I do not share this from a stance of judgement; this is the card game of life that we all must play until our reflection of an experience doesn’t elicit a potent or incapacitating reaction. In complete transparency, I am not in the clear. Since I am unable to predict the future, I may never transcend this story. However, the acknowledgement of the situation being long over and my role in its continuation provides me with a slice of emotional distance and a sense of ownership and direction in my healing.
As always, the above is demonstrative that we do not actually know what we think we know. Through the process of writing this, I am convinced that the more I believe my mind, the more I am subscribing to an insane illusion. What is the lesson amidst this ambiguity? Continue the exploration of soul, for it is the most reliable compass.
Save time: See it my way,
Sherise