It seems to be a uniquely human experience that the untouchable is glorified. Perhaps I cannot speak on behalf of the entirety of the human species, but I can admit to my own personal shortcomings of being lured by this temptation. Both flying and walking on water seem like euphoria inducing experiences to say the very least. Who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to partake in either? What the wise Chinese Proverb attached to this post alludes to (from an interpretive stance) is the short-sightedness that follows immersion, whether this be environmental or situational. In other terms, the more accustomed we become to an external entity, the more invisible it becomes. The most fitting example I can conjure is the dismissal or lack of observation of the picturesque view of the mountains from my backyard. Yet, people pay large sums of money to travel from other countries (continents might I add) to bear witness to this same view. I liken this depreciation in value to desensitization; all else fails in comparison to the awe-stricken state of the first sight or encounter. In this way, we can all empathize with that of a substance user who is forever chasing the initial high. On this #thoughtfultuesday, I am not certain that I have any profound words to share, but rather bring authenticity and transparency.
Life during COVID is marinated in duality, similar to a love/hate romance. Although I have been enjoying the reduced pace and limited capitalistic opportunities, I have managed to fill the void with more “doing” or projects. It is miraculous how many home-improvement tasks materialize when one is a sitting duck. Upon completion, pride and satisfaction are short-lived as the mind is quickly consumed by the next task on the list. For the average healthy individual this may seem foreign, but for a slightly neurotic over-achiever, “doing” is a slippery slope. As of late, my days end in exhausted discontentment. Please note that I write this in full mockery of the strange imprisonments I unleash upon myself. This is assurance that I am my own worst enemy. Although I have established some semblance of a routine, the days still feel foreign and rather surreal. I can hear myself questioning (daily) what I am doing on this earth. My day of birth recently returned, and I kept forgetting it was my birthday until it was expressed to me. The perk of amnesia is that each birthday wish elicited a nostalgic excitement. Perhaps we are all in some waking dream state?
Despite restlessness and a yearning for connection, I am reluctant to resume life as it once was. I laugh as I read these utterances as it is clear that there is no way to please the inner critic. The irony is that there is absolutely no predictability in this situation (nor is there in life). Walking this earth can be precarious and complex, yet can be as simple as placing one foot in front of the other. Perhaps the learning is to allow the body to place one foot in front of the other, keeping the obscurities of the mind at bay. The wish for my fellow beings this week is that the sharing of my mad antics are either relatable or result in enhanced feelings of confidence in acknowledgement that you are saner than I.
Over and out,